Thursday, July 1, 2010

Losing power


I listened to this book on tape called Intuitive Power : a lecture by Caroline Myss. She advised that the most important attribute that we need to cultivate in order to get in touch with our intuition is self esteem. She asked of the audience to think about what thought process about yourself or your life that you have that make you lose all power. It may not be true, your intuition may be telling you it isn't true, other people can tell you it isnt' true, but you believe it anyway. My answer was: Not good enough. Not a good enough wife mostly. I am pretty confident that I am a good mother (thank god!) so I don't think anyone or thing can get to me about that. Last night Kevin was telling me about this great cooking contraption that his brother bought that makes cooking really easy, healthy, etc. This is not the first time it has come up so I know he was angling at buying one of those for us. With PMS knocking loudly at my door I was thinking, "Great more money spent on something else I have to clean." What I said was, "I don't think it would be worth it for us we don't do very much cooking". He said, "Maybe we should cook more because we eat like shit." I said, "It's not exactly like I am sitting around on my butt until 9:00 at night doing nothing." That is when he stalked off. I went outside and apologized for squelching his enthusiasm and explained that my cooking is shit and I don't really know what to about it....Plus I am tired and I want to play with my kids after they have eaten. I make their food, clean the kitchen, and sweep the house. After these chores are done I give them some attention. After playtime I supervise their bathtime. Next they have milk and watch a few minutes of Dora. Then I take them to bed and I am going to start reading a story. I don't want to spend a half an hour in the kitchen after all this at 8:30 at night. We were out in the yard playing and discussing the upcoming cookout with his whole family this Saturday. His Mom and sister are basically doing everything and I am not complaining about that. His sister is making all these awesome side dishes and really enjoys doing it he tells me. "We need to hire her or a nanny or something." Was that a dig? See I am up against domestic perfection in these two women. I used to resent them (immature I know) for myself not measuring up, but not anymore it's not their fault I don't like cooking for my man. Now I need to get to the point in my own growth of self esteem to NOT CARE! It is stupid to lose "power" like this it's a waste of energy and dinner is still not made. I will never be a domestic goddess like my sister inlaw and MIL I just don't care that much about food. I am still a good wife even if I pour dinner out of a bag right???

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, mom always made elaborate meals after slaving in the kitchen all day. It traumatized us, so none of us cook. Shame on mom for not making quick and easy casseroles every day. Knowing we could never live up to her cooking quality, we decided not to even attempt to be gourmand chefs. That's right. Just blame mom. ;) Jen

Anonymous said...

Well, mom always made elaborate meals after slaving in the kitchen all day. It traumatized us, so none of us cook. Shame on mom for not making quick and easy casseroles every day. Knowing we could never live up to her cooking quality, we decided not to even attempt to be gourmand chefs. That's right. Just blame mom. ;) Jen